I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
