yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
