I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
