barbara walters just said penis...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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