my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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