i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
