I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
