is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
