I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
