I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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