I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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