"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
