I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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