My room smells like vodka and shame
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
