allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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