In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
