It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Found the puke drawer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
