ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
