i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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