i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
