You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
