I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
