You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
