Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
