I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
