she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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