actually, I'm a sock model
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
