Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
