Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
