A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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