OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
