did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
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mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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