hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
