she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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