I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
