I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
