I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
