I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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