I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All the doctor said was why
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
