hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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