Just cropdusted the office
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
