We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
