my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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