If that was your dad, he is hot
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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