Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
