i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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