yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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