were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Randomize
