You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
