need another drink. this is the easiest way
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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