I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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