so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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