Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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