why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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