We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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