The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
ok first of all what the fuck
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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