OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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