Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
