My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
