You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
