Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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