What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
