Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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