Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
