i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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