Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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