hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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